Guitars, Bread, and Other Things that Don't Make Any Sense
by PaperPlanePiolet
Summary: For cracks, shorts, and ideas i just cant write out into full out stories. The reason I'm writing these is on the inside. Contains yaoi parts sometimes, so if you dont like dont read. Rated T for language and yaoi and i put Germany as a character category because Germany is cool :L
1. Chapter 1

Hello… im sorry *hits self* I'm trying to work on the last chapter for Glass in the Fire, but things are getting crazy here for me =_=" so I decided that ill be posting the last chapter next… its going to take foreveeerrrrr :_: because ill be typing the rest of the story all slammed into that 1 chapter, and with me having practice, school, and all that jazz Im not gna have time to work on it… sorry again *slaps self* but I will finish that story, don't worry, so while you guys wait for that, ill post a crazy crack fic here and there to entertain you guys. Sometimes itll be regular short stories, but most likely crack… crack with a pinch of wall dust… because I actually came up with some of these stories from staring at a wall when I was bored… anyway, lets start already, I kept you guys waiting long enuf =_= (warning: lazy typings)

Nothing belongs to me. NOTHING!

Silence was thick in the air. No one dared to even move in fear of something else happening. America blinked and scratched at his cheek. "Um… Is everyone else seeing what Im seeing?" The other nations nodded. Some blinking, some rubbing their eyes in disbelief, some had even fainted from shock. But it was all caused by the same thing. A toddler England sat in the middle of the table, his bright green eyes looking curiously around the room filled with strange people. His green cloak was spread around him covering most of his body, it seemed 5 times to big for the nation. But when he stood everyone was able to see a simple whitish robe, black slacks, and worn leather boots.

England turned his head and stared right back at all the grown nations around him. He wasn't sure where he was, or how he got here, but he wasn't afraid. He had been taking care of himself for centuries without any problems, so he knew he could get through this dilemma. England looked down and noticed his bow and case of arrows. Glancing this way and that, he slowly picked them up. Taking the strap on the case around his shoulder he took his bow and strung a sharp arrow to the string. "A-Angelterre." France said in a warning tone. England's head snapped to face the voice, and when he noticed France he lowered his bow and stared wide eyed at France. "Your big." he said simply, and France smiled a bit. "And your little mon cher. Now why don't you put down your bow so we can talk. I want you to meet some new friends ok?" It was like he was talking to a 5 year old… Oh, wait, he was.

England shook his head and raised his arrow at Italy. "WUAAAAAH! GERMANY!~" The german was about to make a move to England when France shouted "DON'T TOUCH HIM!" There was a pause. England was back to looking at France wide eyed. He had never stood up for him before. "Germany, it's ok. Calm down." France was unusually calm, and that made everyone even more on edge. France turned back to England and smiled. "Angelterre, put down your bow," he then blinked in mock surprise, like he just realized something, "and I'll give you your favorite treat." The boys eyes grew shiny and a bit of drool escaped his mouth. "Really?" France nodded, and put out his hand, "If you give your-" "I want my bow." England pouted and hugged his bow like it was a teddy bear. France nodded again, "Yes you can keep your bow, but hand me your arrows and I'll give you your treat." he then leaned towards America, "Go into his bag and get his scones, hurry." America stood there for a second trying to understand the situation, but just thought "Fuck it." and went through the british nations things, looking for his awful scones. The now tiny nation walked towards France and gave him the case. The Frenchman smiled and walked towards Germany, "Watch these. That way no one will poke an eye out, and you wont have to worry about Italy." Germany blushed at the last part, but nodded and strapped on the case. France turned to see England climbing down the table and walking up to a scared Italy. The brown haired nation looked down at the chibination with frightened eyes. Germany sighed. Italy would always be Italy. England cocked his head to the side. "Are you bad?" The question caught everyone by surprise. England… Pirate England… Conqueror England… The England that had taken over 25% of the earth at one point, was asking if Italy was a bad person. Italy blinked and shook his head. "N-no, I'm not… Why? Don't you remember me England?" Italy asked. England raised an eyebrow, then shook his head. Italy looked surprised to France, who just shook his head. "Angelterre." England instantly gave his attention to France. "Come here." France smiled and put his arms out. Without hesitation the child ran to France and let him pick him up. "Now… If everyone will stop staring and take your seats." Everyone did, and France walked up to the front of the room. A now scared looking England looking at all the other nations shocked faces. America stood up from his position, a scone in hand, "I FOUND IT!" he cheered and handed the smelly thing to France. "Thank you America." "Of course! I'm the Hero!" He than sat down right in the front, so he could get a good look at his chibified Brit.

France set England down on the table and England sat chewing on his… treat. "Now, as you can see, little Angelterre, is now… well, little." Nations nodded and France continued. "England at this age is very confused, so I will not tolerate anyone who tries to use him for fun." He glared at the whole room, and everyone was silent. France had never acted like this before. What was the situation exactly anyway. England gave a small burp and all eyes were on him. England blushed and he looked up to France. "What's going on?" France smiled, "Why don't you tell us Angleterre? What's the last thing you remember?" England blinked. "Sleeping over." France blinked and nodded. "I see." "What's that supposed to mean Francy pants?" France pouted at the annoying Americans nickname for him, but answered him anyway. "It means that he's probably a few years after he knew about his…" England blinked, and France glanced at him before mouthing "brothers". America looked confused. "What? Why you mouthing dude?" France shook his head frantically. "What's that man talking about?" "N-nothing, Angelterre, just ignore that." he laughed nervously. "I wanna go home." England said, and Frances heart raced. "U-Uh, were not gonna go home yet ok?" England nodded, and France sighed with relief. "WHAAAAAAT!?" the shout made both France and England jump and everyone stared at the surprised American. "HE'S ACTUALLY LISTENING TO YOU?!" Russia smiled. "He seems very behaved at this age." Germany stood and walked over to stand in front of the tiny nation. England looked nervous and Germany blinked. "What are you afraid of little one?" England stood. Even though he was on the table he was barely tall enough to get past Germany's nose. He grabbed the front of his shirt and slowly stepped closer to Germany. "… Are you bad?" Germany blinked and looked to France. Said man merely shrugged. "Um, no. It's ok. I wont hurt you." Germany told the child with a slight smile. England cocked his head to the side and he blinked. Germany was getting a little creeped out from the little ones stare and he looked to the other nations as if for help. Italy jumped out of his seat, a smile on his face. "Oh! I know! Hey England!" he cried happily and ran over to the child. England looked to the shorter one. "Would you like to try pasta?" "Pasta?" "Si!" he then pulled out a container full of pasta and opened it up. England's nose wrinkled when he peered inside. "It looks like wormies…" Italy gasped and tears ran down his face. "G-GERMANY~ ENGLAND DOESN'T LIKE MY PASTA~" England jumped from the Italians cry and then he started to sniffle. Soon they had 2 nations crying. Germany sighed, "This is going to be a long meeting."

Should I continue this? Or leave it to your imagination?


	2. Chapter 2

… I actually got this idea from disney junior… this kids shows that teach you about animals… they did it on seahorses o_o and if u know seahorses… u know the dads got it bad… real bad =_="

This can also be seen as LuRo if you really want it too btw But this is SanZo. (yes sanzo)

Luffy looked to the book then to the fish tank. Right now he was in the aquarium, a book of sea creatures in his lap. He scratched his head and looked to the book again. "A mystery?" he whispered.

Now don't die of a heart attack. It isn't what you think. After being to loud, spilling ink all over the place, falling over board, and trying to sneak some food, Nami had finally had enough and locked Luffy down in the aquarium. Later Robin had been kind enough to give him a book but was not allowed to go out side. His "time out" wasn't done yet.

*FLAAAASHBAAACK*

"Hello, captain." Robin stepped into the room. Locking the door behind her (as it was Nami's orders) she came further in and bent down to sit next to her captain, who was at the moment, lying down on the ground staring at the ceiling trying to quench his boredom. "AH! ROBIN!" he cried happily and twisted his arms around her waist, giving her an awkward angled hug. "Can I come out now?~" he whined. Robin chuckled and stroked Luffy's hair. "Sorry captain-san.. But navigator-san is still mad at you." Luffy pouted and his head fell in Robins lap. Robin's smile widened a bit at her captains childish actions and placed his famous straw hat back to its rightful place. "But I did bring you a game to play while you wait." at the word "game" Luffy's head shot up with a smile, "REALLY!? REALLY!? WHAT IS IT!?" Robin lifted the book she had brought in to show Luffy. "You know what this is right?" "…A book?" Luffy asked confused and a little disappointed. Books were boring. "And that?" Robin asked gesturing to the fish tank, "… Franky's super aquarium?" Robin nodded. "Come look." she said as she opened the book and Luffy sat up to look over Robins shoulder. "This is an Angel fish." "Woooooo, that's pretty." Robin giggled, "I agree, now, look at the far right corner of the tank." Luffy did and his eyes bugged out of his head. "IT'S THE SAME FISH!" he jumped to his feet and ran to the glass. "Woooow, so pretty!~" he said, eyes sparkling, "I wonder if it tastes good too?" Robin stepped beside Luffy, "Hmm I don't know, maybe you can ask Cook-san to make a dish with them later?" Luffy nodded vigorously, and drool slipped to the couch he was standing in front of. Robin gave another chuckle and placed the book into Luffys hands. Luffy looked up to Robin with a confused look. "While your down here why don't you see how many types of fish we have? If you can tell me all of them I will tell Cook-san to make you a treat." Sparkles and drool were back. "REALLY!?" Robin nodded and Luffy jumped in place. "WOOHOO! THANKS ROBIN! YOOOSH!" he cried and plastered himself to the glass looking from book to water. "Have fun." Robin smiled and left, not forgetting to relock the door behind her.

t(e7e)t

While in his searches, Luffy had come across a strange looking creature. It wasn't a fish that he knew, but back at Fishman Island, that guard dude had looked similar to this. Luffy searched the tank and spotted one. "There you are!" Luffy cheered and pushed his face to the tank. What Luffy was looking at was a seahorse. Luffy read the page containing the info, and Luffy grimaced as he got to a certain paragraph. "WHAT!? SEA HORSE! YOU ACTUALLY DO THAT!?" he screamed and slammed his palms onto the glass, scaring all the fish in that area. "WAIT! DON'T GO!" he searched the tank but couldn't find the seahorse. There were to many fish swimming in a frenzy from Luffys outburst. Just then the aquarium door opened and Nami walked in, "Ok Luffy, you can come out now, but-" Luffy was already sprinting down the hall. Nami faceplamed, "I give up."

Luffy ran around the ship, book in hand, screaming his lungs out, "ROOBIIIN! OI! ROOOBBBIIIIIIIIN!?" Luffy stopped in the middle of the deck to catch his breath. "Yo! Luffy-bro, if your looking for Robin-sis, she's in the kitchen." Luffy looked up to see Franky in the crows nest. "Oh. Got it. THANKS FRANKY!" he called as he sprinted to the galley. "Eh- Wait, what- … *sigh* It's probably best I don't know." Franky whispered to himself and went back to watch the sea for marines.

Luffy kicked down the door to the galley and was met with 2 pairs of eyes (One being Robins, the other's being Zoro and Sanji [cuz they both got one eye… gets it? eue] ok ill stop). "HEY! Shitty rubber, what-" "ROBIN! ITS AN EMERGENCY!" Luffy cut Sanji off and ran to the table Robin was sitting at, sipping her coffee. Zoro blinked and looked to Sanji who only shrugged and went back to the mini show. "Yes captain-san?" Robin asked and placed her cup down. Luffy slammed the book down in front of Robin then leaned over the table, pointing to the paragraph he had read. "THIS!? IS THIS TRUE!?" "HUH!? LUFFY! YOU WERE READING!?" Zoro cried out in surprise, and Sanji's jaw dropped. "He reads?!" Luffy ignored both outbursts, and a tense pause hung in the air. Finally, it was broken by Robin when she was done reading. "Yes, it is." "WHAAAAT!? DOES THAT MEAN ZOROS GONNA GET PREGNANT!?" Luffy freaked and pointed to Zoro. Another pause, then "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?" Sanji screamed and a sword was at Luffys neck. "Luffy you will explain yourself, NOW." he growled, a dark aura surrounding him. "GYAAA!" Luffy cried and hid behind Robin, who was keeping in laughter very much secretly. "Swordsman-san? Cook-san? Please calm down. Luffy was just asking because he read this." Robin turned the book and pointed to the guilty paragraph. Sanji walked to the table and read over Zoro's shoulder out loud.

"Unlike any other species, male seahorses become pregnant…Females insert her eggs through an oviduct into the male's brood pouch. The male wiggles to get the eggs into position. Once all the eggs are inserted, the male goes to a nearby coral or seaweed and grabs on with his tail to wait out…gestation, which may last several weeks. When it's time to give birth, he'll contort his body in… contractions- WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT!?"

"You and Zoro have sex all the time. And Zoros a dude, so does that mean Zoros gonna get pregnant?" Luffy asked from behind Robin. Sanji gave a dead panned look to Robin, who only smiled in return. Zoros body shook and Sanji patted his shoulder. "Luffy… You have 10 seconds to run." Zoro growled as he unsheathed Wado. Luffy squeaked and ran out the door. Luffy was a fearless warrior when it came to marines and arrogant, snotty pirates, but angry swordsmen were out of the question. Robin giggled, and Zoros head shot her way. "Just don't kill him swordsman-san, we need him." Zoro merely nodded and chased after Luffy dismissing the 10 second start. Sanji sighed and went back to his kitchen to start on dinner. "Swordsman-san rarely loses his temper hm?" Sanji turned to Robin. "Don't worry Robin-chwan, it doesn't take much to get him back into a good mood." "Are you going to fix that tonight cook-san?" Robin asked as she rested her chin in her palm. Sanji blushed and averted his eyes. "Depends if that idiot is done killing Luffy by then." And as he said this a scream rang through the ship. "Huh- Looks like you'll have plenty of time." Robin smiled. And Sanji went back to starting dinner, a smile fighting to come up on his face. The door was then kicked down by a raging swordsman. "Where'd he go!? I saw him running this way! That slinky bastard!" Zoro panted, and looked around the room. Sanji looked towards him, then shrugged. "No idea." "Goddamit." Zoro cursed as he sheathed his sword, and crossed his arms over his chest. "I will get the idiot if it's the last thing I do." he vowed. Sanji wiped his hands in a towel and walked towards the marimo then slithered an arm around the others waist. "Cook! Wha-" "Calm down marimo. You'll have plenty of chances later." he assured then dove into Zoros mouth, jamming his tongue into a now welcome mouth.

Robin smiled and left the room silently as the cook and swordsman kissed. "Better tell the others dinner will be late." she mused to herself, and locked the door behind her before searching for the rest of the crew. "I wonder if captain-san finished his challenge? There are more fishes than just sea-horses after all." she thought as she walked away from the kitchen, her excellent hearing detecting the sounds of love.

Idek… but yea… P-P… any way, I don't like adding Japanese stuff when typing anime fan fictions cuz it gets awkward sometimes, and the story gets ruined, like making the only Japanese word "urusai" in a story… but its so hard when its robin, she's always so formal, and I aint making her say … *shiver*


	3. Chapter 3

Crack crack crack

A concoction a friend wrote when we were bored in summer school… very bored P-P

And im typing this EXACTLY as it is on the piece of paper I am holding right now… *shiver*

SexOnLegsDominoPizzaEraserAP HIvanVargasItalianToothpaste HollisterBritainJonesSyrupJo hnson sat at the world meeting. Everyone stopped to gasp at her beauty. "Oh, Hi! Are you a new co-" Taiwan was cut off as she suddenly blew up when SexOnLegs scoffed. Completely unaffected, England walked up to her. "Hello! Fancy a shag?" he winked. "Sacre blieu! Get away from her!" France raged. "Lol your hot. What's your name?" America asked. "I'm SexOnLegs! I represent the country of Budapragalavaskia." she giggled. "Lol, become one?" Russia asked. "Aiya, leave her alone! She's mine!" China growled, stabbing the nearest country, Hungary. "Lol, serves her right!" SexOnLegs giggled sweetly. "Ikr?" Austria giggled. "Let's get married frau!" Prussia pleaded. "No way! She's mine, mi amigo." Spain hissed. SexOnLegs glared at Belgium, Ukraine, Belarus, Liechtenstein, Vietnam, and Wy and they all blew up. "We should go out." Switzerland smiled, ignoring his sisters death. "Oh, well…" She started when Romano punched. "She's mine!" He yelled when suddenly Italy shot him. "Sorry fratello, but she's mine!" He smiled before letting out a horrified shriek as Germany stabbed him, effectively killing him. "Nein. SexOnLegs belongs with me." He glared. Suddenly a piano fell on Germany. "You are wrong. SexOnLegs deserves a gentleman. Like m-" He was cut off as England shot him. "I'm the only gentleman here!" He murmured when Romania suddenly cracked his neck. "Lol she's mine." Romania smiled, Japan threw a grenade at him that killed America, Latvia, and Finland too. "SexOnLegs! I learned to speak normally! Just for you, my love!" Sweden shouted when he and Canada was chopped up by Denmark's ax. "King of Europe! FTW!" Denmark shouted from on a table where Prussia tackled him. The nations all violently fought for the beautiful love of the gorgeous, pretty, beautiful, sexy, luxious SexOnLegs. Finally, there was only one person left. "OMG Gilbird you light my fire!" SexOnLegs giggled.

The End

e-e … see what algebra does to you? Crack crack crack


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